Im so fearful when I am not doing my best. I am so disappointed in myself today and It makes me wonder about the future and worry if I will be able to live up to the potential I want to live up to. This is all just so hard. College is a fucking mental game. i want to do my best but my mentality wasn’t rock solid to begin with. I am trying so hard but sometimes I wonder if I am trying hard enough or maybe I’m trying too hard. How do I know? I think I am being too hard on myself. I am disappointed this quarter though because I feel like I didn’t try much. I had a lot of struggles which I feel like I always have a lot of struggles. Oh wait, Im human.
Tomorrow I don’t know how it will be earthly possible for me to get all the things I need to get done. Really I just need to study for org and understand the entire freaking subject…piece of fucking cake.
Well in approximately 84 hours I will be in Myrtle Beach and will have said adios to Spring quarter 2014. It will be so nice to see my parents. It will be so nice to be in Michigan at my house, with my family, with friends, just relaxing. To see Ash….It will be so nice.
A lot of time in life is spent learning and relearning the same lessons. I know I will go home to Michigan and learn something I have learned before but in a different way. Idk. It’s all too much to remember really. And tonight sucks. Tonight is a struggle. Today is a struggle. It makes everything feel like a damn struggle. But there are many happy moments and overall happiness. I am not unhappy. I don’t let myself be. But tonight I am discontent.